What if the emotion you keep calling “anger” is actually hurt, fear, loneliness, or overwhelm?
In a recent Sabeelul Hayaat discussion, emotional wellness coach Jo’Hara Hassem joined Mas-oodah to unpack a topic that affects every one of us: emotional literacy. While many people are familiar with concepts such as emotional intelligence and emotional regulation, emotional literacy is often the overlooked foundation that makes both possible.
At its core, emotional literacy is the ability to recognise, understand and accurately name what we are feeling. If emotions are the language our bodies speak, then emotional literacy is learning how to read and understand that language. It allows us to move beyond vague descriptions and gain a clearer understanding of what is happening beneath the surface.
The Power of the Pause
Life presents us with countless situations that trigger emotional reactions. Someone speaks harshly to us. A child tests our patience. A difficult day at work leaves us feeling drained. Often, our responses are automatic.
Emotional literacy creates something incredibly valuable: a pause between the event and our reaction. Instead of immediately responding in frustration, we gain the ability to step back and ask, “What am I actually feeling right now?”
That pause can transform our relationships. Rather than lashing out or withdrawing, we become capable of communicating honestly and responsibly. We begin to understand that our emotions are signals, not commands.
When “I’m Fine” Isn’t Enough
Many of us grow up with a limited emotional vocabulary.
We say we are “fine”, “stressed”, “angry”, or “upset”, but these broad terms often hide something much deeper. Stress may actually be disappointment. Anger may be masking hurt. Frustration may be rooted in exhaustion, grief, loneliness or feeling unseen.
Without the language to identify what we are truly experiencing, emotions can feel confusing and overwhelming. Naming an emotion does not make it disappear, but it does help us understand it.
This is particularly important for children. When a child is struggling emotionally, curiosity can be more beneficial than correction. Helping children identify whether they feel disappointed, overwhelmed, frustrated or excluded gives them the language they need to navigate their inner world in a healthier way.
Emotions Are Not the Enemy
One of the most important reminders from the discussion was that feeling an emotion is not the same as acting upon it.
There is sometimes a misconception that experiencing sadness, anxiety, frustration or grief reflects a weakness in faith. However, the examples found within our Islamic tradition paint a far more compassionate picture of the human experience.
The Prophet ﷺ wept at the loss of his son, Ibrāhīm. Ya‘qūb عليه السلام openly expressed his grief over the loss of Yūsuf عليه السلام while turning to Allah in patience and trust. These examples remind us that emotions are part of being human. Faith does not require us to deny our feelings; rather, it teaches us how to respond to them in a manner pleasing to Allah.
Regulation Is Not Suppression
Many people confuse emotional regulation with emotional suppression.
Suppression is simply pushing emotions down and pretending they are not there. The feeling remains, often resurfacing later in unhealthy ways. Emotional regulation, however, involves acknowledging the emotion, understanding it, and then choosing an appropriate response.
The Sunnah provides practical guidance for managing intense emotions. For example, when anger arises, we are encouraged to change our physical position and make wuḍū’. These actions help interrupt emotional escalation and create space for reflection before reacting.
The goal is not to never experience anger. The goal is to ensure that anger does not dictate our behaviour.
To hear the full discussion, listen to the Sabeelul Hayaat podcast with Jo’Hara Hassem and Mas-oodah, where they explore how emotions can serve as valuable messengers rather than enemies. The conversation unpacks what our emotions may be trying to tell us, how emotional literacy can strengthen our relationships, and why healing is not about never being hurt again but about learning to return to balance with greater awareness and resilience.
The discussion also introduces practical tools such as the SIP Check-In—a simple method of recognising physical sensations, identifying emotional states, and reconnecting through mindful breathing and reflection. Listeners will gain insight into developing a richer emotional vocabulary, communicating more effectively with loved ones, and responding to life’s challenges with greater wisdom, compassion, and emotional maturity.
Listen to the full podcast to discover how emotional literacy can help you better understand yourself, strengthen your relationships, and respond to your emotions in a way that aligns with both personal growth and Islamic values.
Emotional Literacy: The Emotions We Struggle to Name
Sabeelul Hayaat | September Series
