20 May 2025
By Raeesa Padia
Suicidal isn’t cowardly. I’ll tell you what is cowardly—treating people so badly that they feel driven to end their lives.
Life didn’t make sense. She was angry, frustrated—she felt worthless. The thought of ending her life seemed like the quickest solution to take away the pain. But before attempting anything, she decided to write a letter so people would understand what she had been feeling and experiencing.
She wanted them to know what state she was in that pushed her to consider something unimaginable. She wanted to make them realize the severe consequences of their actions—and to live with that guilt for the rest of their lives.
With sweaty hands and an upset stomach from fear of what she was about to do, she still remained adamant about overdosing. She wanted release from the torment she faced daily.
Gulping as many tablets as she could, she began to feel nauseous. Rushing to the bathroom, she leaned against the sink, hands covering her face, and finally broke down. Crying profusely at the thought of what she had just attempted… Suddenly, realization dawned upon her. She forced herself to throw up, because in that moment she realized: this is not who she is. This is not how her life is supposed to end.
She flung open the door, searching for a diary to write down her emotions. She made a list of what was toxic and what was beneficial—finding reasons to live again. The pages were soaked with tears of regret and fear. Fear of what could have happened if she had ended her life. How would she have answered to her Creator?
“Your life is not ruined. You will get through this,” she kept telling herself—crying so hard that her breathing halted for a moment.
She hated herself, felt disgusted by the thought of committing such an act. Trembling with fear over the severity of the punishment in the hereafter, yet still too weak to fight the demons in her head.
“Depression is a constant feeling of being numb. Being numb to emotions. Being numb to life. You wake up in the morning just to go back to bed again.” That’s how she felt. It was eating her alive.
She decided to turn to Allah Ta’ala, to the Qur’an—to find serenity in her salaah. For the first time, she felt peace while performing salaah with khushu (devotion). Tears seeped through the musallah while in sajdah. She remained in that position for some time, eyes closed and deep in thought.
She knew then—whatever life throws at her, Allah Ta’ala has given us solutions. We just need to have patience and place full conviction in our worship and our Creator.
If you feel like this individual—experiencing something similar and constantly searching for a negative way out—please, change that intention.
Living a good, positive life doesn’t mean living in the lap of luxury. Living a good life means being content with Allah, turning to Him. It means living in peace, forgiving, and seeing the positive in others over all their negatives.
May Allah Ta’ala grant us a beautiful death with the kalimah on our lips, take us in a condition most pleasing to Him, and protect us from any suicidal actions. Aameen.
